It has come to my attention (through news media commentary) that spray painting graffiti on homes, public buildings, and automobiles in America is no longer a crime, but an exercise of one’s First Amendment Rights.
As such I’m informing each and everybody who reads this of my intent of coming to your homes this evening to spray paint messages on your homes and cars containing my own political and religious opinions.
To address local decency laws, I promise not to use any profanity. After all, we are a civilized society.
I want to be “fair and balanced,” just like Fox News. As such, all my republican targets will get “Biden - Faith and Hope 2020” painted on their cars and homes. All my Democratic targets will get “Trump - Make America Great Again 2020” painted on their homes and cars. Gives all exposure to an opposite point of view. Just trying to be helpful.
Anybody who disagrees with these actions to be performed this evening, is subject to interfering with my First Amendment Rights, and as such will not be invited to my Christian Nudist Party (underwear optional since there’s still a Coronavirus out there). There will be free barbecue.
PS, Please refrain from practicing your Second Amend Right on me, as I’m being absurd to make a point. God bless ya’ll.
Moravian Falls, N.C.